barbecue tofu broccoli cheddar pizza

Sounds weird, doesn't it? But sometimes weird can be good. Just look at Salvador Dali, chicken and waffles, Pink Floyd, prosthetic limbs...sometimes things that initially seem bizarre become actualized as masterpieces.

Masterpiece this was not, but it was strangely, surprisingly good. An extra hour at work and a tighter-than-normal budget combined forces to condemn me to a 30-minute cooking window using mostly on-hand ingredients, and thus was born this patchwork Frankensteinesque pie.

The broccoli edges toasted up all nice and crispy in the oven; sharp cheddar cut right through the sweet, smoky barbecue sauce, while sauteed onions and garlic lent depth and fragrance. And tofu, because protein.

B initially sounded skeptical when I suggested a barbecue-sauced pizza, but two glasses of wine and four slices later I think he’d begrudgingly accepted its existence. If begrudging acceptance is exemplified by taking leftovers to work the next day.  

barbecue tofu broccoli cheddar pizza

storebought pizza crust (Pillsbury cuz I’m simple like that)

barbecue sauce (Stubbs cuz I’m Texan)

broccoli, tossed with olive oil, salt & pepper 

tofu bites (recipe below)

extra sharp cheddar

onions

garlic

olive oil

salt and pepper

While pizza crust is pre-baking, sautee onions with garlic in olive oil, season with salt and pepper. Spread barbecue sauce on crust and sprinkle with toppings. Bake for 10-15 minutes or until pizza has reached desired crispitude.

crispy tofu bites

1 block extra-firm tofu

worcestershire sauce

honey

Whisk honey into Worcestershire sauce. Squeeze excess water out of tofu until it’s as dry as possible, dice into ½-inch cubes. Marinate cubes in Worcestershire-honey mixture for an hour. Bake for 30 minutes, turning once, at 400 degrees. Pop under broiler for a few minutes at end of baketime.

easy egg and avocado salad with tomatoes and banana peppers

Confession time: I am not an avocado fan.

This statement is not to be misread as “I am not a guacamole fan,” because let’s be honest: who ISN’T a guacamole fan? Maybe Hitler, because he’s German and dead, but that is probably about it. The additions of lime juice and spicy pico are in my opinion what turn bland, crayonlike alien green mush into creamy, tart chip heaven. Plain avocados merely pale in comparison.

But alas -- they’re good for you. Like, really good for you. So there I was this morning, bound and determined to somehow incorporate those wrinkly little suckers into my diet, thinking “how can I make this work?”

ready for my close-up

What resulted was the product of a sort-of kitchen-sink mentality: throw things together and see how it goes. And it went oh so very well. Spicy, tart banana peppers cut through the creaminess of the avocado and add the crunch that would have been present had I actually thought to stock celery in the refrigerator.  

And a little tip for you carni/omnivores out there: Adding crumbled bacon would send this salad off the charts.

omg hi

easy egg and avocado salad with tomatoes and banana peppers

4 eggs, hard-boiled and diced

1 avocado, diced

banana peppers, minced

grape tomatoes, quartered

mustard (I used regular but whole-grain would be much amazings)

garlic powder

tabasco

salt and pepper

Mix everything together sloppily in a bowl while racing the clock to make it to work on time. Slather on toast with veggies, try not to spill all over self during commute.

10 tips for surviving Bikram

The Bikram yoga bandwagon has brainwashed its latest rider.

Though I’ve long looked to running for its unique capacity to clear my mind, free my spirit, strengthen my body and burn major calories all in one fell swoop, it's beginning to weather these achey old joints of mine.

Enter hot yoga. With Bikram, I get all of those benefits wrapped up in a low-impact (albeit high-cost) package: a full 90 minutes of stretchy misery in 104 sticky degrees. It alleviates daily stressors in a number of ways, perhaps the most evident of these being that it forces you to so unwaveringly focus on staying alive that your mind has no energy — or sweat — left for the small stuff.

It is not a task to be undertaken lightly. Class can prove more of an exercise in patience than in fitness when it comes to battling sweaty yuppies for mat space; balancing precariously on the toes of one foot with pretzel-twisted limbs akimbo is often a labor of pain as much as it is one of love.

What follows are mainly nuggets of wisdom (if you can call it that) I wish someone would’ve offered me before I went into the experience. I may still be a Bikram rookie, but can only hope that a few of the things I’ve learned so far along this journey will keep you from spending your first class passed out in a puddle of your own vomit.

1. Raid the web for coupons before signing up — Groupon, Living Social, Google Offers, Amazon Local…dig and dig and dig for a deal before you settle on paying full price for a class. Hot yoga is mad expensive, but you can find bargains hiding among the annals of the ’net with a little patience, some perseverance and moderate interwebbing skills.

2. Skip the bra — Let the ladies breath. Trust me, they’ll need it. You won’t be moving quickly or abruptly enough to necessitate the support of one, anyway. If you want to stash one in your car to weather the speed bumps on the drive home, then so be it, but you’ll be much better off either without one or with a wireless cotton style that isn't too tight. Wear the lightest, loosest-fitting tank top you can find. Yes, it may look a little obscene, but the people around you are worried far more about the black spots they’re seeing in front of their eyes than what’s protruding from beneath your shirt.

3. No Bikram on squat/lower body days — Depending on your conditioning schedule, it’s better to do the class on upper-body workout days. The postures are heavily focused on hips, knees, glutes and quads, with lots of balancing, stabilizing and flexing leg muscles. Doing squats in the morning and Bikram at night can be overkill on your stems.

4. Get a good yoga towel — This doesn’t seem like something that would make a big difference, but good gracious does it ever. Standing on one locked knee with both elbows contorted in some warped fashion is difficult enough, but when the surface below is uneven twisted terry cloth, what should just be a minor annoyance can ruin a perfect pose. Get a long, flat yoga towel. In fact, get three or four. Laundry less often — that’s my motto.

5. Only fill your water bottle halfway — If your bottle is completely full at the start of class, the bottom half of it will be hot by the time the end rolls around. And after 90 minutes of hot yoga, the last thing you’ll want to drink is hot water. If you only fill it up halfway, you’ll have drained it halfway through class and can refill your bottle with nice, cold water. If you don't want to interrupt your zen session to refill then just jam your bottle with ice before class.

6. No big meals or difficult foods on yoga day — Eat small, light meals, and avoid foods that are prone to give you gas. Indigestion can ruin the whole experience…for everyone.

7. Don’t just hydrate; preserve your hydration — It’s not enough to just drink water all day leading up to yoga. Also avoid ingesting any high-sodium foods within three hours before class (or just in general, in life, at all. Except pickles and kimchi. ’Cuz yum.)

8. Do not wear pants — I love yoga pants as much as the next person, but they will feel like suffocation instead of freedom during Bikram.

9. Avoid the 6 p.m. weekday session — It may work best with your schedule, but there’s a reason for that — it works best with everyone else’s, too. Bikram requires an exceptional amount of concentration, and the more crowded the class is, the harder it is to focus on not dying everywhere all over everybody. Hold out for the 8 p.m. instead, or even get up for the morning class if you can summon the energy.

10. Wait 10 minutes after class to drive — Driving on a yoga high is not advised. Cool off in the AC for a few before attempting to operate heavy machinery…neighborhood pedestrians will thank you (since they’ll be alive to do so.)

11. BONUS TIP — Eat blueberry Greek yogurt afterward. Not only is it the perfect post-Bikram snack to cool down with its tart creaminess, it’s loaded with good protein and carbs for recovery while still being light on calories.

lemon-rosemary swordfish

A little more than a month ago, the D.C. metro area was swept by a storm to end all storms. A storm that felled 100-year-old trees, a storm that blew lounge chairs into pools – a storm that robbed my apartment complex of power for almost two days.

Fortunately for me, a good friend nearby – who used his wizardry to somehow emerge from the wreckage as the only Arlingtonian to retain electricity – hosted a barbecue for those less fortunate. And at said barbecue, another friend prepared a fish I’d never before enjoyed off the grill – swordfish.

Cue all-out obsession. There was Facebooking, tweeting, gchatting, somnambulating…I quickly became a woman possessed by the idea of making a swordfish to rival his.

i'm not as juicy as i look

Unfortunately, last night’s effort fell far short of such a goal. It was good, to be sure, but the mere 10 minutes under the broiler proved about three too many and the fish, alas, emerged almost dry.

In my defense, it is predominantly the fault of one Pentagon City Harris Teeter that did not carry swordfish, forcing me over to the local Giant, which only sold the frozen variety. I therefore had no choice but to forgo my best-laid marinate-and-pan-sear plan for a haphazard baste-and-broil method (since the marinating half-hour became a thawing half-hour). This, in turn, led to less moisture for the fish, which led to less flavor in the meat, which led to a nearly parched piece of swordfish landing on my plate. Just one more example of the wide-ranging implications of the butterfly effect.

lemon-rosemary swordfish (next time: marinate for an hour to right my wrongs.)

lemon juice

chopped rosemary

honey

olive oil

butter

swordfish

garlic

salt & pepper

lemon pepper

Whisk together lemon juice, chopped rosemary, honey, garlic and olive oil. Marinate swordfish in mixture for an hour. Preheat a greased broiler pan, add swordfish, season with salt, pepper and lemon pepper. Broil one inch from flame for seven minutes. Serve with quinoa and salad.

broccoli quinoa

quinoa

butter

chopped broccoli

chives

veggie broth

salt & pepper

Cook quinoa in veggie broth according to package directions. While quinoa is cooking, sautee broccoli and chives in a little butter, season with salt and pepper. Stir into cooked quinoa.