Spicy tofu stir-fry

They say there is a first time for everything. In the life of me, there’ve been many momentous firsts: my first kiss, my first job out of college, my first apartment. But last night’s first was potentially one to end all others: my first attempt at cooking tofu.

Most, but not all, of you are aware of one fact: I am Asian. And very, very bad at it. My math skills hover somewhere between abysmal and nonexistent, I can only finish three sides of a Rubik’s cube and doing my own nails rarely if ever yields smudge-free results.

Thus, the task of preparing tofu was somewhat daunting. But now that the number of protein sources in my daily dietary vault has dwindled, I knew it was something I had to do. Abe Lincoln had to free the slaves, JFK had to quell the Cuban missile crisis, Paula Abdul had to leave American Idol and I had to learn to make tofu. It was my duty.  

eat me.

It began with much googling and clicking and culminated in finally settling on this preparation strategy. Click the link for in-depth instructions, but the abridged version is this: slice tofu, use towels to squeeze water out of pieces, put slices in DRY nonstick skillet to further evaporate/dehydrate tofu, toss into marinade, cook.

It was simple. It was fast. And it was really good. Since almost all the water had been squished out of the tofu, it was thirsty for moisture and thoroughly absorbed the marinade in only about 20 minutes. It stir-fried up quite nicely with one of my favorite simple veggie combos – broccoli, carrots, red cabbage and onions – but it would also be great sliced into smaller shreds in a Szechuan-style setup, with carrots, celery and onions, or with asparagus and snow peas, or bok choy and butternut squash, or whatever other lovely veggies are in season.

Were a few pieces mushier than ideal? Of course. Was the sauce a little saltier than I’d intended it to be? Sure. Did B and I eat all of it anyway? We most certainly dang did – with a hibachi-style salad and some fluffy brown rice, a bottle of Virginia sweet red wine and an adorably enthusiastic explanation of how one goes about playing Magic: the Gathering.

Some days I swear I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

up close & personal.

spicy tofu stir-fry

1 block of extra firm tofu, prepped like this
broccoli
carrots
red cabbage
onions
brown rice

marinade/sauce
garlic
sesame oil
soy sauce
sesame ginger salad dressing
honey
sriracha
Szechuan sauce
red pepper flakes
cornstarch
hot water

Drain, squeeze and dry-fry tofu. Whisk together marinade ingredients (I try to aim for equal parts of each ingredient except for the garlic and red pepper flakes. Just a spoonful and sprinkle of each, respectively, is good.) Add tofu to marinade, let sit for 20-30 minutes.

Prepare brown rice according to package instructions. Add generous drizzle of sesame oil to skillet. Add vegetables and stir-fry for a few minutes, then add tofu. Stir-fry for five to ten minutes, serve over rice with salad, DVR’ed Jeopardy episodes and American Psycho.

"can't believe it's not meat" loaf

There is perhaps no other entrée as divisive as meatloaf.

For some (my father included), it induces shudders and flashbacks to school cafeteria mystery meat, or mealy clumps buried beneath piles of congealed gravy at the dinner table. But for others, it’s inextricably linked to childhood memories of a home kitchen redolent with the light brown scent of steaming onions and peppers tucked tightly into folds of tender beef.

B and I are fortunate to fall further toward the latter group. We had, for some time, discussed the idea of preparing a loaf that would befit a vegetarian, but most of the recipes we stumbled upon looked to lentils or eggplants for texture.

That’s all fine and good, but we weren’t jonesing for a vegetable loaf, here. It was meatloaf we wanted – soft, savory, comforting and piping hot. So instead of pureeing pintos and chopping walnuts and mincing tofu and the hundreds of other complicated methods of replication, I just made it the old-fashioned way, but substituted veggie protein crumbles for ground beef.

impostor.

And I’ll be damned if it doesn’t taste almost exactly like the real thing. So much so that at the risk of incurring a lawsuit from Parkay (or some other cranky agriculture industry giant), I have decided to bestow upon this recipe a title associated almost exclusively with the infamous butter substitute.

The texture was almost identical to a real meatloaf; the flavor perhaps slightly lacking, but that could easily be rectified by a beef bouillon cube or a packet of beef onion soup (if you’re the kind of vegetarian who doesn’t mind that sorta thing).We really could not tell much, if any, difference between this loaf and those which our mothers and grandmothers so lovingly prepared.

Smothered in homemade gravy and nestled beside fluffy mashed potatoes, it took me right back to a lazy summer afternoon in my great-grandma Hazel’s kitchen, while she smiles at me over bowls of peppermint ice cream and my great-grandpa David whittles a little toy horse.

Of course, we threw a salad in for good measure. To make it healthy and all.

so good it gets two pictures.

"can't believe it's not meat" loaf

16 oz. (1.5 packages) veggie protein crumbles (I like this kind. The Boca version is OK too, but texturally inferior.)

1 bunch chopped scallions

½ finely chopped bell pepper

Slather of hickory barbecue sauce

Big splash of worcestershire sauce

1 egg, beaten

Bread crumbs

Garlic powder

Salt & pepper

Preheat oven to 350. Thaw the soy crumbles in the microwave. Stir in scallions, bell pepper, garlic powder, salt, pepper, a good thick slather of the barbecue sauce and a hefty shake of worcestershire, and mix well. Fold the egg into the mixture, then add bread crumbs (start with about ½ a cup, add more if needed to make stick) and form into a loaf. Bake in a greased loaf pan for 45 minutes.

easy, homemade brown gravy

beef broth

butter

flour

Melt about a tablespoon of butter over medium-high heat. Whisk in flour to create a roux. Cook roux for 3 to 5 minutes, then turn heat to high and whisk in about a cup of broth and cook over high heat for a minute. Reduce heat to simmer, stirring occasionally. Add more broth if needed.