vegetarian chili mac

There exist in this world three core belief systems with which every Texan must make peace at some point in his or her life. The first is God. The second is guns.

The third is chili.

Chili is the official state dish of Texas. According to Wikipedia (the modern be-all end-all of American history – Encyclopædia Britannica, your number's up), chili arrived with frontier settlers and spread throughout the southwestern United States as a result of San Antonio’s tourism industry.

proceed with caution

But, at the risk of eternally losing my Texas card, the following recipe violates state chili standards in three critical ways:

1) Its usage of beans. An old and quite common state saying goes something like “If you know beans about chili, you know chili ain’t got no beans.” But I can’t forgo them in my recipe. Absent beans, chili lacks the heartiness that so characterizes the dish.

2) Its substitution of veggie crumbles for ground beef. This will be considered sacrilege by many, and I hereby accept the subsequent Facebook defriendings that surely will ensue. But after it’s stewed for hours upon hours, I’m confident that this could survive a taste test among even the most insistent of carnivores.

3) Its mixing of macaroni. Texans serve chili with lots of crackers, lots of cheese and lots, lots, lots of hot sauce; pasta is rarely, if ever, included.

Perhaps from this recipe I’ve learned one thing – just like this chili, my particular brand of Texan may be composed of atypical traits. But sometimes a different batch of ingredients can still create something just as good as the real thing.

vegetarian chili

package veggie crumbles

black beans

canned diced tomatoes with chipotle (if you can’t find these then just add a can of chipotles in adobo)

Shiner Bock

onion

bell pepper

garlic

worcestershire

chili powder

cumin

paprika

oregano

tabasco (or chalula, whatever)

sriracha

crushed red pepper

salt & pepper

1 box whole-wheat elbow noodle (rotini would be good too)

 Slow-cook all ingredients except pasta on high for three to four hours. Cook pasta, toss with chili, top with cheddar cheese and serve with cold beer.

spicy black bean burritos

Though I might be a bit of a Tex-Mex snob, I am not above a visit to Chipotle on occasion; their barbacoa is the stuff of  legends. But now that I've drastically lessened the amount of meat in my life, I've found myself forced to stick to their black beans, which -- I'm sorry Willie Nelson, I really did love your adorably animated Chipotle commercial -- are bland, boring and nothing to write home about.

This problem is easily remedied by homemade burrito bar. With a little corner-cutting, it doesn't take nearly as long as you'd think: I had this all ready in 20 minutes with the assistance of prepared rice and guacamole.

had to use microsoft paint instead of photoshop for labels,
sorry for the kindergartenness of it...

I, like a total amateur, forgot to put cheese on mine -- there were just too many moving parts. And B, like a total amateur, ate his with a knife and a fork -- this, which borders on dealbreaker territory, is a transgression for which he must thoroughly atone. I'm fairly certain it is the eighth deadly sin.

Recipes for the beans and peppers are below; you can figure out the rest. I used Spanish rice from the box (yes, I am ashamed), 100-calorie burrito-sized whole-wheat tortillas, light sour cream, jarred salsa and pre-made guacamole (stop judging me!) Set everything out separately and frantic burrito assembly will surely ensue.

Throw in a few dishes of slow-cooked carnitas and barbacoa, some chips and queso and, of course, plenty of tequila and margaritas, and these would be the makings of a very fun dinner party.

spicy chipotle-brewed black beans
1 can organic black beans
1 small can chipotles in adobo
1 bunch chopped scallions
Chili powder
Cumin
Garlic powder (embarrassing but true, I was out of fresh garlic)
Tabasco

Mix beans with chipotles in adobo and scallions in small saucepan; use kitchen scissors to cut up chipotles in sauce. Add chili powder, cumin, garlic powder and Tabasco, stir well. Cook over medium heat for five minutes or so, then lower heat and simmer for as long as your stomach can stand it (minimum of 15 minutes, maximum of 1 hour). Serve with a slotted spoon to strain out some, but most certainly not all, of the cooking liquid.

charred peppers and onions
1 green bell pepper, sliced
1 onion, sliced
1/2 TBSP butter
salt & pepper

Melt butter in skillet over medium-high heat. Add peppers and onions and DO NOT stir. Season with salt and pepper and let cook for 4 minutes, then carefully flip over with spatula to char other side.

The first supper

My original plan to begin the vegetarian experiment tomorrow was thwarted by tonight's dinnertime arrival of my non-meat-eating boyfriend. There's no time like the present, right? And since I already had a fully stocked cupboard, and the universe saw fit to bless the D.C. metro area with a 75-degree evening, it seemed like the perfect night to test-run my recipe for spicy black bean burgers with sweet potato fries and avocado cream cheese dip.

Black bean burgers, sweet potato fries and creamy avocado dip.

I had trouble getting the dip to blend smoothly — partially due to the fact that there wasn't enough liquid and partially due to the fact that my brandnameless blender cost less than $25. Genius B came up with the idea to add some lemon juice, which mercifully gave the dip a zing that yinned the sweetness of the oven fries' yang.

The burgers were so easy to make — aside from mashing the beans, it was essentially identical to the process for making a beef burger (minus the E.coli contamination potential). And good gracious Lord were these cheap...probably around the fourth of the cost of making regular burgers. So far, so good.

We housed these beetches on my balcony, gazing out over the city with a few cold beers and talkin' 'bout deep life things like Family Guy. The end of the episode we watched clipped a Conway Twitty classic that strummed the chords in my heart for Texas, and reminded me of how homesick I truly am, and always will be, so long as I am away from the rolling plains, the hot days, the cool nights, the Shiner Bock and the big, bright stars. You can take the girl out of Texas, but you can never take Texas out of the girl...

black bean burgers

1 (16 ounce) can black beans, drained and rinsed

1/2 green bell pepper, cut into 2 inch pieces

1/2 onion, cut into wedges

3 cloves garlic, peeled

1 egg

1 tablespoon chili powder

1 tablespoon cumin

1 teaspoon Thai chili sauce or hot sauce

1/2 cup bread crumbs

I added some Penzey's Arizona spices (big thanks to my homegirl for bringin' em back for me), some red bell pepper, and, of course, Sriracha...couldn't call myself a true Asian without adding at least a few good-sized dashes.

Directions

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C), and lightly oil a baking sheet.

Mash black beans with a fork until thick and pasty.

Finely chop bell pepper, onion, and garlic, stir into mashed beans.

Whisk together egg, chili powder, cumin, and chili sauce.

Stir egg mixture into beans, mix in bread crumbs until the mixture holds together, divide into four patties.

Place patties on baking sheet and bake about 10 minutes on each side.

Sweet potato fries with avocado cream cheese dip (adapted from a Food Network recipe)

2 large sweet potatoes, peeled or unpeeled, cut into 4-inch long and 1/4 to 1/2-inch thick fries

2 tablespoons olive oil, or more as needed

1 teaspoon paprika

1/2 teaspoon chili powder

1/2 teaspoon ground coriander

Coarse ground rock salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste

Avocado Dip, recipe follows

Directions

Preheat your oven to 450 degrees F. Line a baking sheet with aluminum foil and set aside.

Place the sweet potatoes in a large bowl and toss with olive oil until the sweet potatoes are coated. Add the paprika, chili powder, coriander, salt, and pepper; toss to distribute evenly.

Arrange the coated fries in a single layer on the prepared pan. Bake for 20 minutes on the lower rack until the sweet potatoes soften. Transfer the pan to the upper rack of the oven and bake 10 minutes longer, until fries are crispy. Serve with Avocado Dip.

Avocado Dip:

1 avocado

1/3 cup mayonnaise (I use olive oil reduced fat kind)

1/3 cup reduced fat chive & onion cream cheese

2 scallions, white and light green part only, chopped

1 lime, juiced

1 lemon, juiced

Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Blend the avocado, mayonnaise, cream cheese, jalapeno, scallions, and lime juice, season with salt and pepper.

SERVE WITH COLD BEERS.

The beginning of the end.

The end of my lifelong career as a carnivore, that is.

From mid-March to mid-April, I will forgo any and all chicken, beef, pork, turkey, venison, duck, goose and so on and so forth. It's not that long a time frame, but spending the vast majority of my life in Texas has fostered a strong affinity -- an addiction is more like it -- for all things barbecued, burgered and baconated.

Why: There are a host of reasons, not the least of which being dietary. I seem to find that the older I get (the exact number shall remain unspecified) the more meat seems to sap my energy. Vegetarianism is more cost-efficient, more environmentally friendly and far less guilt-inducing (cows are just too dang adorable with their big brown eyes and furry ears).

The Rules

• Absolutely no meat. From midnight March 15 to midnight April 15. The one exception will be allowing fish, only in restaurants and only in truly desperate situations.
• Protein replacement at every meal. Eggs, beans, tofu, seitan...wide open to suggestions. 
• Workout maintenance. In order to wholly assess the impact of this lifestyle change, all exercise habits and lengths must remain at their current level of time and intensity.

A Texan without meat is like a preacher without a Bible. Hence the hullabaloo, the utter and all-consuming dread, and, of course, this blog, where I'll post recipes, updates and stories from what is sure to be a very (to put it politely) interesting journey. 

It's an experiment I've contemplated undertaking for quite some time now, but only recently have been inspired to move forward with, when a dear friend pointed out how cavalierly we slaughter and devour other mammals. "But they're delicious," I replied, and though that'd worked as justification for many years up 'til now, it no longer struck a chord. 

I don't expect to be perfect. I just expect to accomplish this thing -- this thing which, in the grand scheme of things, is not that big of a thing. It certainly won't be the hardest thing I've ever done, my stunning lack of impulse control be damned, but it might be the most sweeping nutritional change I've yet made. And it's certainly not forever, either -- once my month is up and I assess my state of being, I may wind up with a rack of ribs in my lap. So please send me your advice, recipes and other ideas on transitioning. I could really use y'all's help!