maryland crab soup

Growing up in Houston meant growing up believing that Gulf shrimp and crawfish reigned supreme in the crustacean world. And while I don’t necessarily consider this worldview having changed, living in the mid-Atlantic for the past five years has opened my eyes to the beauty that is the Maryland blue crab.

Crab cakes…crab dip…crab chips...crab gumbo. I’m summoning Bubba Gump here for inspiration. I cannot get enough.

eat me.

One of my favorite crab recipes is Maryland crab soup, a regional specialty that forsakes the typical creamy base that so regularly populates seafood soups. It’s instead tomato-based, brothy, loaded with beautiful veggies and wonderfully spicy when done correctly.

This is a definite must-order for anyone visiting or new to the mid-Atlantic region, and is likely to be added to our regular recipe rotation after the hangover salvation it provided for both of us alongside a tray of cheddar-garlic biscuits in the midst of last night’s cold, rainy drizzle and Drew Brees’ record-breaking touchdown pass.

Crab soup and football. Because that’s what Maryland does.

 maryland crab soup

(***note: 'round here, crab soup vegetables are sold packaged together in the frozen section at some grocery stores. But I listed all of them here anyway for those going it from scratch.***)

celery, onions, carrots (mirepoix)

butter or olive oil

garlic

potatoes

green beans

lima beans

peas

corn

crab (I used a combo of claw and lump meat – but whatever kind is on hand is fine. Except for imitation crab. That is definitely not OK.)

canned diced tomatoes

vegetable broth

old bay

salt & pepper

Texas Pete’s or Tabasco

Sautee and season the mirepoix in butter or olive oil over medium heat until onions are fragrant. Add garlic, vegetables, tomatoes, old bay and vegetable broth over high heat. Bring to rolling boil, then reduce heat to a healthy simmer. Add crab and simmer for 15-20 minutes while biscuits bake. Add salt & pepper and hot sauce to taste.

salted-caramel apple pie

Pertinent factoid: I do not bake.

Usually, if I bake something for you, I am either a) trying to poison you or b) apologizing for something I have done wrong.

Many wise women have said that the key to baking is precision. This requires an exceptional amount of patience, a trait of which I have decidedly little. I believe that in the kitchen one should be wild, experimental, instinctive, creative, not measuring and sifting and pinching and dashing.

That being said – I’m all about trying new things. So when a girlfriend of mine described preparing a peanut butter pie for her beloved, and his subsequent goddess-like worship of her, I figured there just might be something to getting all old-school domestic and making a pie.

Since neither B nor I are big peanut butter people (haha, picturing people made out of peanut butter, the funnies) I went with apple instead, with a drizzle of homemade salted caramel for good measure. And since B and I are both big bourbon fans, I went with a big hearty splash of Jack Daniels in the filling. Aaaand maybe a wee bit in my coffee, too…

3.14159265359

salted-caramel apple pie

1 double-crust pie crust recipe (I used the Trader Joe’s premade crust, don’t judge…)

6 green apples, thinly sliced

2 TBSP flour

½ cup sugar

1 TBSP cinnamon

1 TBSP lemon juice

1 cup salted caramel (click for recipe, big thanks to brown-eyed baker for step-by-step recipe with pictures)

Pinch salt

Pinch nutmeg

Big splash of bourbon

Preheat oven to 425. Mix all ingredients. Put in crust-lined pan, top with other crust, poke slits in top to vent. Bake for 45 minutes, let cool at least two hours before slicing, serving with vanilla ice cream and drizzling plate with extra salted caramel.

"can't believe it's not meat" loaf

There is perhaps no other entrée as divisive as meatloaf.

For some (my father included), it induces shudders and flashbacks to school cafeteria mystery meat, or mealy clumps buried beneath piles of congealed gravy at the dinner table. But for others, it’s inextricably linked to childhood memories of a home kitchen redolent with the light brown scent of steaming onions and peppers tucked tightly into folds of tender beef.

B and I are fortunate to fall further toward the latter group. We had, for some time, discussed the idea of preparing a loaf that would befit a vegetarian, but most of the recipes we stumbled upon looked to lentils or eggplants for texture.

That’s all fine and good, but we weren’t jonesing for a vegetable loaf, here. It was meatloaf we wanted – soft, savory, comforting and piping hot. So instead of pureeing pintos and chopping walnuts and mincing tofu and the hundreds of other complicated methods of replication, I just made it the old-fashioned way, but substituted veggie protein crumbles for ground beef.

impostor.

And I’ll be damned if it doesn’t taste almost exactly like the real thing. So much so that at the risk of incurring a lawsuit from Parkay (or some other cranky agriculture industry giant), I have decided to bestow upon this recipe a title associated almost exclusively with the infamous butter substitute.

The texture was almost identical to a real meatloaf; the flavor perhaps slightly lacking, but that could easily be rectified by a beef bouillon cube or a packet of beef onion soup (if you’re the kind of vegetarian who doesn’t mind that sorta thing).We really could not tell much, if any, difference between this loaf and those which our mothers and grandmothers so lovingly prepared.

Smothered in homemade gravy and nestled beside fluffy mashed potatoes, it took me right back to a lazy summer afternoon in my great-grandma Hazel’s kitchen, while she smiles at me over bowls of peppermint ice cream and my great-grandpa David whittles a little toy horse.

Of course, we threw a salad in for good measure. To make it healthy and all.

so good it gets two pictures.

"can't believe it's not meat" loaf

16 oz. (1.5 packages) veggie protein crumbles (I like this kind. The Boca version is OK too, but texturally inferior.)

1 bunch chopped scallions

½ finely chopped bell pepper

Slather of hickory barbecue sauce

Big splash of worcestershire sauce

1 egg, beaten

Bread crumbs

Garlic powder

Salt & pepper

Preheat oven to 350. Thaw the soy crumbles in the microwave. Stir in scallions, bell pepper, garlic powder, salt, pepper, a good thick slather of the barbecue sauce and a hefty shake of worcestershire, and mix well. Fold the egg into the mixture, then add bread crumbs (start with about ½ a cup, add more if needed to make stick) and form into a loaf. Bake in a greased loaf pan for 45 minutes.

easy, homemade brown gravy

beef broth

butter

flour

Melt about a tablespoon of butter over medium-high heat. Whisk in flour to create a roux. Cook roux for 3 to 5 minutes, then turn heat to high and whisk in about a cup of broth and cook over high heat for a minute. Reduce heat to simmer, stirring occasionally. Add more broth if needed.

double-mushroom four-cheese penne marsala -- aka the best thing i have ever made.

Until somewhat recently, mushrooms topped the very short list of foods I refused to consume. But something wonderful happened over the past few years, and these delightful little fungi have switched from the top of the yuck list – which is no longer so much a list as it is the lone item “black olives” – to the top of the yum one.

Consequently, they’ve acquired a starring role in what is likely the awesomest recipe in my oeuvre. There’s nothing fancy about this pasta, but there is a lot yummy about it. Capers and red bell peppers, atypical Marsala ingredients, really brighten an otherwise fairly standard sauce, and the added four cheeses make things rich and lovely. I was so engrossed in devouring it that I completely forgot about the garlic bread smoldering away in the oven. We saved it just before it crossed over into crouton afterlife.

This supper was supposed to make for a low-key end to a low-key weekend (which included Rock of Ages, highly recommended for a super-fun summer flick), but two bottles of wine and a few slugs of 1800 later we wound up almost entirely neglecting the 3,000-piece jigsaw puzzle strewn all over the basement table. We’re wild like that.

messy plate,. very sorry.

double-mushroom four-cheese penne marsala

1 lb. whole wheat penne
8 oz. baby bella mushrooms, sliced
8 oz. Portobello mushrooms, sliced
1 red onion, thinly sliced
1 red bell pepper, thinly sliced
Three large garlic cloves, minced (I only used two, and it was not enough. B disagrees, but he is clearly wrong.)
Capers, like a handful or so
Marsala wine (a cup? Maybe? Just use enough to achieve the right consistency)
Italian four-cheese blend – ours was provolone, mozzarella, asiago and parmesan, but any blend will work
Salt & pepper
Butter (full-fat, salted, none of this margarine crap)
Flour

Melt 3-4 tablespoons of glorious, unapologetic butter over medium-low heat and caramelize the red onions. Raise heat to medium-high and add the peppers and mushrooms. Sautee for 5-10, until the mushrooms start to cook down, then add garlic and capers. Sautee for about 5 more minutes, until the garlic gets super fragrant, then salt and pepper everything. Add in 3-4 tablespoons of flour and stir well for 3-4 minutes to cook up a golden-brown roux. Stir in Marsala wine and raise heat to high. Thicken sauce, stirring constantly and adding in more wine as needed to reach the right consistency (it should be thinner than gravy but thicker than jus), then stir in servings of the four-cheese blend in quarter-cup increments until the sauce looks dangerous. Toss with pasta, top with more cheese and watch YouTube videos while singing inappropriately at the dinner table.

spicy black bean burritos

Though I might be a bit of a Tex-Mex snob, I am not above a visit to Chipotle on occasion; their barbacoa is the stuff of  legends. But now that I've drastically lessened the amount of meat in my life, I've found myself forced to stick to their black beans, which -- I'm sorry Willie Nelson, I really did love your adorably animated Chipotle commercial -- are bland, boring and nothing to write home about.

This problem is easily remedied by homemade burrito bar. With a little corner-cutting, it doesn't take nearly as long as you'd think: I had this all ready in 20 minutes with the assistance of prepared rice and guacamole.

had to use microsoft paint instead of photoshop for labels,
sorry for the kindergartenness of it...

I, like a total amateur, forgot to put cheese on mine -- there were just too many moving parts. And B, like a total amateur, ate his with a knife and a fork -- this, which borders on dealbreaker territory, is a transgression for which he must thoroughly atone. I'm fairly certain it is the eighth deadly sin.

Recipes for the beans and peppers are below; you can figure out the rest. I used Spanish rice from the box (yes, I am ashamed), 100-calorie burrito-sized whole-wheat tortillas, light sour cream, jarred salsa and pre-made guacamole (stop judging me!) Set everything out separately and frantic burrito assembly will surely ensue.

Throw in a few dishes of slow-cooked carnitas and barbacoa, some chips and queso and, of course, plenty of tequila and margaritas, and these would be the makings of a very fun dinner party.

spicy chipotle-brewed black beans
1 can organic black beans
1 small can chipotles in adobo
1 bunch chopped scallions
Chili powder
Cumin
Garlic powder (embarrassing but true, I was out of fresh garlic)
Tabasco

Mix beans with chipotles in adobo and scallions in small saucepan; use kitchen scissors to cut up chipotles in sauce. Add chili powder, cumin, garlic powder and Tabasco, stir well. Cook over medium heat for five minutes or so, then lower heat and simmer for as long as your stomach can stand it (minimum of 15 minutes, maximum of 1 hour). Serve with a slotted spoon to strain out some, but most certainly not all, of the cooking liquid.

charred peppers and onions
1 green bell pepper, sliced
1 onion, sliced
1/2 TBSP butter
salt & pepper

Melt butter in skillet over medium-high heat. Add peppers and onions and DO NOT stir. Season with salt and pepper and let cook for 4 minutes, then carefully flip over with spatula to char other side.

b's mom's mac 'n' cheese

When a man says "my mom makes the best _____," it is cause to swing into full-blown Barney Stinson mode: "Challenge accepted."

So B's mom gave me her mac 'n' cheese recipe, and I did my best to not only do it justice but to also put my own spin on it with a sprinkling of panko bread crumbs, an extra layer of cheese and a shower of ground black pepper.

queso es la vida

b's mom's mac 'n' cheese

1 lb. whole grain pasta (used shells)

1.5 lb. cheddar (used wisconsin)

1 8 oz. carton fat-free half 'n' half

panko bread crumbs

pepper mill

Preheat oven to 375; boil pasta. Mix noodles with some half 'n' half and one pound of cheese. Sprinkle top with panko bread crumbs and cover with the rest of the cheese. Bake, covered, for 45 minutes; remove foil and bake 5-10 more minutes or until cheese is browned on top.

b's black bean lasagna

My mister is many spectacular things — talented songwriter, MMA fighter, critical thinker, defender of our freedom — but culinary extraordinaire is not one of those things.

This is a man whose weeknight recipe arsenal consists almost wholly of eggs, cans of beans and boiled asparagus. A man who has but two skillets, one pot and zero tongs.

So I was a mixture of thrilled and apprehensive when he so generously offered to cook dinner for me after a long weekend trip to Richmond (where I just so happened to witness a wedding reception in a train station, but that's another story for another day.)

And ladies and gentlemen, the man can cook. Behold, the black bean lasagna:

the layers, oh, the layers.

I must confess a certain amount of dread when I saw how many fat-free cheese packages were being unloaded from his grocery bags, but it didn't matter at all in the end. This mess was awesome.

b's black bean lasagna

1 jar marinara sauce
1 package no-boil lasagna noodles
2 cans of black beans
1 can of kidney beans
1 can of corn
1 container of part-skim ricotta cheese
2 small packages of fat-free cheddar cheese
cumin
oregano
chili powder

Mash all three cans of beans with cumin, chili powder and oregano; mix with corn. Spread across bottom of casserole dish, then layer noodles, ricotta cheese, noodles, marinara sauce and fat-free cheddar. Bake at 375 for 40 minutes. Let rest 10-15 minutes before cutting into slices and arguing about politics while eating dinner in the living room.

The first supper

My original plan to begin the vegetarian experiment tomorrow was thwarted by tonight's dinnertime arrival of my non-meat-eating boyfriend. There's no time like the present, right? And since I already had a fully stocked cupboard, and the universe saw fit to bless the D.C. metro area with a 75-degree evening, it seemed like the perfect night to test-run my recipe for spicy black bean burgers with sweet potato fries and avocado cream cheese dip.

Black bean burgers, sweet potato fries and creamy avocado dip.

I had trouble getting the dip to blend smoothly — partially due to the fact that there wasn't enough liquid and partially due to the fact that my brandnameless blender cost less than $25. Genius B came up with the idea to add some lemon juice, which mercifully gave the dip a zing that yinned the sweetness of the oven fries' yang.

The burgers were so easy to make — aside from mashing the beans, it was essentially identical to the process for making a beef burger (minus the E.coli contamination potential). And good gracious Lord were these cheap...probably around the fourth of the cost of making regular burgers. So far, so good.

We housed these beetches on my balcony, gazing out over the city with a few cold beers and talkin' 'bout deep life things like Family Guy. The end of the episode we watched clipped a Conway Twitty classic that strummed the chords in my heart for Texas, and reminded me of how homesick I truly am, and always will be, so long as I am away from the rolling plains, the hot days, the cool nights, the Shiner Bock and the big, bright stars. You can take the girl out of Texas, but you can never take Texas out of the girl...

black bean burgers

1 (16 ounce) can black beans, drained and rinsed

1/2 green bell pepper, cut into 2 inch pieces

1/2 onion, cut into wedges

3 cloves garlic, peeled

1 egg

1 tablespoon chili powder

1 tablespoon cumin

1 teaspoon Thai chili sauce or hot sauce

1/2 cup bread crumbs

I added some Penzey's Arizona spices (big thanks to my homegirl for bringin' em back for me), some red bell pepper, and, of course, Sriracha...couldn't call myself a true Asian without adding at least a few good-sized dashes.

Directions

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C), and lightly oil a baking sheet.

Mash black beans with a fork until thick and pasty.

Finely chop bell pepper, onion, and garlic, stir into mashed beans.

Whisk together egg, chili powder, cumin, and chili sauce.

Stir egg mixture into beans, mix in bread crumbs until the mixture holds together, divide into four patties.

Place patties on baking sheet and bake about 10 minutes on each side.

Sweet potato fries with avocado cream cheese dip (adapted from a Food Network recipe)

2 large sweet potatoes, peeled or unpeeled, cut into 4-inch long and 1/4 to 1/2-inch thick fries

2 tablespoons olive oil, or more as needed

1 teaspoon paprika

1/2 teaspoon chili powder

1/2 teaspoon ground coriander

Coarse ground rock salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste

Avocado Dip, recipe follows

Directions

Preheat your oven to 450 degrees F. Line a baking sheet with aluminum foil and set aside.

Place the sweet potatoes in a large bowl and toss with olive oil until the sweet potatoes are coated. Add the paprika, chili powder, coriander, salt, and pepper; toss to distribute evenly.

Arrange the coated fries in a single layer on the prepared pan. Bake for 20 minutes on the lower rack until the sweet potatoes soften. Transfer the pan to the upper rack of the oven and bake 10 minutes longer, until fries are crispy. Serve with Avocado Dip.

Avocado Dip:

1 avocado

1/3 cup mayonnaise (I use olive oil reduced fat kind)

1/3 cup reduced fat chive & onion cream cheese

2 scallions, white and light green part only, chopped

1 lime, juiced

1 lemon, juiced

Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Blend the avocado, mayonnaise, cream cheese, jalapeno, scallions, and lime juice, season with salt and pepper.

SERVE WITH COLD BEERS.